2011 was an awesome year. I realized that much of my satisfaction with life stemmed from putting more emphasis on listening rather than talking, doing rather than over-thinking. I doled out a lot of advice over the past year, and observed other people’s actions and decisions more often than stressing about my own problems.

Sounds great. Effective. I was more in touch with friends and less focused on personal problems. I thought I had everything balanced. And maybe I did, for a while.

I initially decided to spend less energy dealing with my own issues because I felt that I wasted time when dwelling on them, which was true. But in a valiant and successful effort to stop over-managing my life, I consequently under-managed some aspects of it.

Maybe this blithe approach wasn’t a corollary of “good time management” but actually a result of me lacking the balls to confront problems head-on. And ironically, if I had taken some of the advice I shared, I might be in tiptop shape and wouldn’t feel as foolish.

So, lesson learned: my so-called issues won’t simply disappear when I spend time trying to fix everyone else’s problems. If I believe the advice I give is smart, I should apply that advice to my own life before criticizing others for not taking my suggestions.

Regardless, this is still my favorite holiday and I’m thankful for pretty much everything and everyone in my life :) most notably, I’m thankful for stretchy pants, Michigan football, and Josh Duhamel’s abs.

Turning up the holiday music (:

Happy Thanksgiving from world's truest lards

We make decisions that sometimes lead to unwanted repercussions. It will suck and you will feel like shit (often justifiably) but if you continue to dwell, it will suck more and you will feel worse. Then, when you go to your friends with the same issues 7 months later after truly thinking about how to move on for a grand total of 0 minutes, they really won’t know what to say and neither will I.

So think and choose wisely. Recognize all possible consequences before you make decisions, take action, or say words – legitimately everything, from the unimaginably good to the unimaginably terrible. If any of those inconceivable outcomes arises, you’ll be a little more prepared. Somehow, we’ll subconsciously find comfort in knowing it wasn’t a fluke or some freak accident.  In decision-making, be cognizant of what could happen both in and out of your control, and also be mindful that there still could be further ramifications that you have no way of perceiving at present.

Sounds dreadfully cynical, but it’s simply being realistic. Decisions also may lead to impossibly good things that we don’t normally consider beforehand! The fact that something awful happened, realistically speaking, doesn’t eliminate the possibility of an equally glorious future outcome.

As humans, we are predisposed to dwell on the drawbacks, but as I’ve said before, take time to remind yourself of the blessings as well. Balance the two. If harrowing pessimism and quixotic optimism had a baby, it would be practical realism (most useful baby of all time)

This might not apply to everyone; I can’t envision myself at age 16, 17, 18 even understanding this life application in full. But you can save yourself time and energy – stay pragmatic in your decisions, and man up when life punches you in the face.

If you had met someone at a different time in life than in actuality, you would have an altered relationship with him/her today because of who you were and who he/she was. We change with time and experience, which factor into how we perceive others, make decisions, and interact with our environment.

Honestly, this concept weirds me out. I have some instrumental people in my life I really care about. Had met them four years ago, unknowing and immature, perhaps I wouldn’t have been positioned to form a connection with him/her.

If these people hadn’t entered my life and I theirs at those seemingly negligible intervals in life, things would be unalterably different. Not necessarily in a negative way, and maybe even in a positive way. Still, the friends I have now, the mentors, resources, confidantes… so easily could I have overlooked their significance and missed out on the opportunity to value their presence in my life.

Have we casually dismissed anyone potentially invaluable in life due to poor timing? It’s pointless to worry or overthink but interesting to consider. Furthermore, there might even be someone in currently your life who doesn’t seem important but will prove to be indispensable in the future.

So in the spirit of clichés, I can’t help but agree and be grateful that timing has been good to me (as far as I know).

We often talk about trying to “find balance.” If everything was weighed down by negativity, the grumbling would be endless. Life saturated by the positive isn’t balanced either, with no variation here to distribute and redistribute.

For example, I struggle to find equilibrium in feeling smart and feeling stupid. I say “feeling” instead of “being” because I realize that when I feel smart or stupid I might not actually be one or the other; an accurate assessment of that on my part is impractical (and not so relevant)

While an unbounded comprehension of all things knowable sounds nice in principle, I think I would necessarily feel old before my time. I already sometimes feel old, so this is no good. I’d like to be able to welcome (or at least tolerate) feeling stupid, to find balance between pathologically seeking answers and naturally making expected, juvenescent mistakes.

But is balance really about stabilizing the forces of “good” and “bad”? Maybe balance corresponds more to our management of and reactions to those elements, since what is bad today might prove to be good tomorrow and vice versa.

… but then can we truly, objectively classify what is “good” or “bad” if our perceptions of each are so dynamic?

Sike.

Silly parents.

Heavily misguided notions aside, what made me most strange was how my youthful mind convinced itself, and happily accepted, that I would do this alone, single, without a husband, boyfriend, anyone.

Things have changed, fortunately. I’ve allowed myself to realize that I don’t want to live life alone forever. It took me a while to come to that conclusion. It took more effort to recognize that this outcome was not entirely within the bounds of my control. I voiced discouragement to my mom several months back, delineating how it was a challenge to be impressed by or interested in anyone. I felt as though my standards were unfavorable to reaching success, finding it time-consuming to fully trust and commit to another individual. She responded (well, at first she laughed in my face) with advice that resonates with me constantly: “Be choosy now and not picky at all later.”

My mom and I don’t often see eye-to-eye. But here, her wisdom trumps my ignorance. Inability to cultivate a relationship with a man because you’re a crazy bitch is one issue. Struggling to start a relationship because you’re particular? Entirely different.

I think many of the people I’m close with struggle with this issue or variations of this issue. But at times, being choosy might prove as a blessing, although I wouldn’t be foolish about this. After all, no one is perfect, everyone is human, etc. “Be choosy now” – wait it out for someone really good. “Not picky at all later” – flexibility and forgiveness are key once you’re committed to that person.

That said, selectivity does not mean being the utmost skeptic (or asshole!) and flexibility does not mean degenerating into a sad pushover.

I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so far, but at times I find myself struggling with both cynicism and complaisance simultaneously. Agh.

We tend to lose focus and let these empty dissatisfactions fill our mind and time. At times, I too get wrapped up in supposed inadequacies. After all, it’s second nature to brush off the blessings and concentrate on temporal frustrations.

But it’s best to actively think about what’s going well in our lives. Once I start, it’s easy to remind myself that why yes, my life is pretty awesome.

In the end, what really matters? Remind yourself what matters to you and make sure your life is on course with those elements, whatever they may be. Sounds morbid, but we all die in the end. Nothing lasts. We’re not designed to think this way – I especially struggle to do so at times. We should focus more on what’s important and less on shit like how others might perceive us or how society interprets our decisions.

But if what truly matters to you is what others think of you… hmm… good luck!

At some point, I uncovered a flaw in this plan. This premise is based entirely on the assumption that you actually know what you want. I thought I knew all that I wanted so I made decisions based on that expectation. I haven’t necessarily encountered failure – but that’s only because the definition of “success” has been either misinterpreted or unclear. It really is difficult for us to do what we want if we cannot discern exactly what that is.

Life often seems confusing; what we want constantly changes. The future is altogether uncharted. However, we shouldn’t stress because of this – everyone lives and deals with convolutions that arise from surviving the unfamiliar.

I’m tempted to believe that life is a series of trials and errors. Sounds messy. It is. But maybe that’s what makes it so good – you try and mess up but if you recognize that your failures will help you to determine what you want out of life, you’ll get more out of these so-called failures. So, humble yourself: willingly try, err, and make the right mistakes.